Parenting Perspectives

With Christine Weeks, Publisher

It’s been six years since I became a bonus mom to Michael. He was only two-years-old when he and his dad moved into my home that was filled with tweens and teens. I knew this was a big adjustment for all of our kids but especially for Michael. His little world was changing with a new place to live and four added siblings.

My priority was that Michael knew he was loved, that my home was his home, that his mother, Kate, was always “Mom” and that I would never undermine their relationship.

Here are some things that helped foster a loving environment for Michael and our family over the years:

I eliminated the “step” word and replaced it with “bonus.”

Step mom and step kid has always felt off to me. Bonus feels positive and joyful. I definitely want Michael to have positive memories of me and not equate me to Cinderella’s wicked step mother. ;-)

I prioritize his relationship with his mom.

I FaceTime her, send her pictures, and talk about how much she loves him. I always tell him how lucky he is to have her as a mom.

We try to do holidays together as “families.”

I realize this doesn’t work for every blended family, but I never want to spend a holiday without my kids. I don’t want any of our kids to feel like they have to choose one parent over the other.

As a family, we avoid the “my kids - his kids” language.

I think this helps make everyone feel equally loved.

I try to do special things with just Michael.

We love to go to the movies, play card games, and read-read-read.

I feel lucky to get to love Michael and be a part of his world, and if you are a bonus parent, I hope you feel the same!